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wanted while we could?
The next thing I knew, his arms were around me, holding me
tight. His velvety soft lips touched mine, and a shiver ran through
my body. Emotion tightened my throat. I smelled his scent; I felt
the thud of his heartbeat and the wetness of our tears against my
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cheek. Suddenly, I understood. Maybe one day we d get lucky and
have it all. Maybe all we d ever have was this one special
moment a simple declaration of love that needed no words.
I have no idea how long we stood there, locked in each other s
arms. And I have no idea what made us finally step apart. I only
know whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never
to have loved at all, must have been where I was at this exact
moment at least once in his life.
If this was goodbye, and I had a feeling it was, I d just have to
put him out of my mind and move on.
* * *
Over the next four weeks, I saw very little of Julian. The odd
times he came into the office, we d exchange a couple of words,
and once or twice we had a coffee together, but that was it. Seeing
him around was painful enough. Until he made up his mind
whether to stay or go, the less I saw of him, the better.
The good weather held just long enough for Julian to paint the
outsides of the cottages. The day he finished the last one and
moved inside, the wind picked up, the temperature dropped below
zero and the weather channel forecast included snow.
I d seen a few people poking around what was left of his
grandfather s house. Whether they were potential buyers or
renovators checking the viability of turning it into a B&B, I had no
idea, and Julian didn t say. I figured he d tell me when he was
ready and not before.
By the end of November, business at the resort was booming,
even better than I d hoped and that was a big plus. By
concentrating on my plans to upgrade the whole place, it kept my
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thoughts of Julian and our emotional moment down by the harbor
to a minimum. I d turned the three TV/social activity rooms into
party rooms for the winter season. I d advertised the new party
service locally and within the first week all three rooms were fully
booked, right up to Christmas Eve, with a waiting list for
cancellations.
During one of my mom s weekly calls, she told me they d
decided to stay in Florida for the holidays and wanted to know if
I d like to join them. I pleaded pressure of business due to the party
bookings, but the truth was two-fold: if Julian moved on, I d be
lousy company; if he stayed, I d be over the moon, wanting us to
spend every second together.
In the meantime, I was still living at home. I d looked at
several apartments, but I couldn t make a decision. Not until Julian
made his.
The first day in December, I d been home just long enough to
turn on the TV and pour myself a drink when I heard the doorbell.
I opened it to find Julian standing on the step, his shoulders
hunched against the cold and a light dusting of snow on his dark
hair.
I know it s late, but can I come in?
My nerves tightened and I hesitated. I knew this was it& that
he d come to tell me what he d decided. If it was bad news, the
sooner we got it over with, the better. I beckoned him inside. Do I
want to hear this?
His smile gave me hope, but I could also see he was tense and
it scared me. That will be up to you.
I took his jacket and hung it in the hall closet. You want a
drink?
Sure. Whatever you re having is fine.
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I led the way into the living room and turned down the TV.
Make yourself comfortable.
Julian chose one of the easy chairs. I fixed a second scotch over
ice, handed it to him, then picked up my own drink and sat down
on another chair across from him. I wanted to say, if this is a
goodbye visit, make it fast and get the fuck out of my face. At one
time I would have said it, but not now. Having him here in the
same room, a hand s touch away, even if it was only for as long as
it took him to finish his drink was too special for me to destroy
with words I d regret.
Instead, I smiled and said, So, what s happening?
I m on the last cottage. I ll be all finished either tomorrow or
the next day.
You re welcome to stay on in the unit for as long as you need.
You know that, right?
Thanks. He put his untouched drink on a side table and
leaned forward in the chair, his arms resting on his thighs.
Remember what you said about money not stretching as far as
you d hoped?
What about it? I wanted to ask him to forget the details and
cut to the chase. Was he staying, going, what?
I ve had estimates from three different renovation companies
to turn the house into a B&B and all their prices are astronomical.
And?
What I got from the insurance company was fair and more
than adequate if I wanted to fix the place up and live there myself.
But it doesn t even start to cover the cost of what I had in mind. I
could rent a truck and haunt construction scrap yards for usable
bits and pieces and do some of the work myself, but that s not
really a good idea. Maybe I d save a few bucks and maybe not.
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The only other alternative would be to go with the cheapest of the
cheapest on everything from flooring to bathroom tiles to checking
out Goodwill for furniture, and there s no way I m doing that. I
want an upscale B&B, not some sleazy rooming house that would
need fixing every five minutes.
Why not make it habitable for now, get a job and do the rest in
stages? I took a sip of my drink. Just a suggestion, I added,
doing my best to appear relaxed.
I considered that. One, I don t have the experience to do much
of the work myself, and two, with the job market the way it is, it
would take forever. The good news is, even in its present
condition, the property is worth far more than I realized, so I ve
decided to sell. One of the renovators said his family has outgrown
their place. He s been looking for a fixer-upper, and was I
interested? I was hesitant at first, but he mentioned a price and it
was such a shock I almost swallowed my tongue. I figured if he
was offering me that kind of money as a starting point&
Ten to one he was low-balling you.
Exactly. I said I d think about it and get back to him. I
checked prices for the surrounding area and discovered lakefront
properties are way more than I realized. The real estate agent I
spoke with was a guy I used to know from the neighborhood. He
said most buyers are more interested in the land than the house.
Rather than renovate, they take down whatever s there and rebuild
to order.
Did he give you any indication of price?
He said my location made it worth triple what I d been
offered. If I wanted him to handle the listing, he might even get me
more. I told him to go ahead and I signed the agreement. I then
called the renovator and said if he still wanted to buy, he d have to
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go through my agent.
Cool. I hesitated, forcing myself to contemplate the melting
ice cubes in my drink rather than give in to panic. And this means
what, you plan to take the money and run?
No. I plan to take it and stay.
I wanted to rush over and hug him, but I controlled the urge.
And do what?
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