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little smile playing on his lips. More than fooled around with
actually. I liked him. Really liked him. And he liked me, too.
The thing was, he was& Well, I guess you d say closeted,
though he said he wasn t gay. Nathaniel bent his fingers in air
quotes. I, on the other hand, couldn t hide as well as he could. He
rubbed his hands over his thighs, as if he was trying to wipe off some
essence of himself. I was always different, always got called fag or
queer. And eventually I got sick of it and told people, Yeah, I am.
So what?
Peter knew all that about Nathaniel, and in a way he d always felt
sorry for him. Nathaniel was one of those guys who wouldn t seem
straight no matter how hard he tried. It was no wonder that he d opted
for flamboyance instead. Yeah, but that s great. You were out in
junior high. It s an inspiration.
Yeah, well that s what I thought back then. Nathaniel s scowl
made it clear he didn t think that so much anymore. But Tom& He
looked at the ceiling. He didn t seem gay, and he didn t want to
admit he liked me to anyone but me. He wiped at his eyes like
maybe they were damp. I was jealous of him and mad he didn t have
the guts to come out.
So you broke it off? Peter knew how these stories ended and
was glad that Nathaniel had the self-respect not to let himself be used.
Nathaniel nodded. Yeah, I told him if he wouldn t be with me
openly, I didn t want to be with him at all. He let out a long,
shuddering breath, as if he didn t want to lose himself in the long-ago
pain. But anyway. Nathaniel perked up a little as he continued the
story. Turns out he came out in college.
Wow. It made sense, Peter figured. A lot of guys engaged in
failed or half-attempted relationships before they made peace with
themselves. But he couldn t help but wonder if Nathaniel wished he d
held on. That must be weird. For you, I mean.
66 Daisy Harris
More than you know. Nathaniel stared off in the distance, his
gaze pensive. Apparently, his folks found out he was gay when his
boyfriend called him over Christmas break.
Peter winced. Ooh, not the best situation.
Nathaniel s face was devoid of emotion when he said, His father
broke his nose.
What? Peter reeled to catch up. His own coming-out had been
relatively uneventful compared to most of his friends . And though
he d heard of gay-bashing instances among people he knew, none of
them had been dished out by family.
Broke his nose and two of his ribs. I found out from my sister,
who s a nurse at the hospital.
Oh my God.
Nathaniel shook his head. That s not the worst of it. He pinched
his eyes closed, as if he could erase all the hatred and the awful things
his ex-lover had had to endure. I called him to see how he was doing.
Turns out his dad won t pay for his college now. Tom got a job, but
it s not enough to pay tuition, and financial aid isn t enough to make
ends meet. He s going to have to transfer to a cheaper school. He
paused. Oh yeah, and his parents are getting divorced. He shrugged.
And his siblings blame Tom.
That sucks, was all Peter could say.
Yeah. Nathaniel shook his head. When we were in high school,
all I saw was that Tom was going places. His dad was an abusive
alcoholic and his parents fought all the time, but Tom got straight A s.
He d worked his butt off to get accepted to an out-of-state school.
Nathaniel looked more defeated than Peter had ever seen a person
look. It was as if Nathaniel s world had collapsed around him and not
his friend s.
My point& Nathaniel swallowed. He lifted his chin with a hint
of his normal attitude. My point is that you just don t know what s
going on in someone else s life. In retrospect, Tom had very good
reasons for his choices. That doesn t mean I was wrong to break up
College Boys 67
with him. Nathaniel pinned Peter with a hard gaze. But you ve got
to understand that other people have their own problems.
Peter looked at the kids mulling around the student union texting
and gossiping and laughing. It was weird to think they each had a
story. And that what he saw on the surface probably wasn t the half of
it.
After what felt like an eternity, Peter conceded, Chris isn t a bad
guy.
He doesn t seem like it. Nathaniel flashed him a smile, his good
mood returning. And you won t know what he s thinking unless you
ask. Nathaniel snorted a laugh. Actually, you probably won t know
then, either. He threw up his arms. I guess you won t know until
you know, y know?
Well, that sucks. Peter frowned at his friend, though his lip
twitched.
Nathaniel covered his smirk with his hand. Girl, welcome to
life.
68 Daisy Harris
Chapter Six
You sure you re not coming? Don stood in the doorway. He
wasn t an expressive guy, but his obvious tension told Chris that his
friend felt guilty leaving.
Chris shifted on the bare mattress. He didn t have any sheets to sit
on since his were still in his room next to Peter s. Nah. I m not up
for it. He turned back to his book, though he wasn t seeing the
words. All his attention was on Don and the expectation he was
winging at the side of Chris s head. Chris glanced at his phone to
check the time. It was eight forty-five.
Free beer& he said, like it was a temptation. Lots of pussy&
From beyond Don s shoulder, he heard Romero call out, Tell
him to stop being a fag and come to the party!
Without thinking, Chris bounded off the bed. He marched to the
door, and when Don stepped to the side, Chris bore down on Romero.
All his stress and anger coalesced onto the one thing he could name
that pissed him off, and Chris had to force himself not to throw a
punch. What the fuck is your problem? He didn t touch the guy, but
Chris got in his face so Romero knew Chris was ready to throw down.
Dude, I was just fucking around. Romero pushed Chris off with
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